Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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