Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
