Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
