Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You've changed since you got that strap on
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
