On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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