My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
