Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
