R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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