I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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