Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
