did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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