Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
