Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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