a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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