Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
