First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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