you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
