I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
