A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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