That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
