theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
