..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
