I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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