is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
