how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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