my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
