My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
50% drunk capacity currently
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
