Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
