and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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