If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
