Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
