I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
