Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
