you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
