After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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