i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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