First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
