my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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