I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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