last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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