Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sobbing to NWA
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
