false alarm. still invincible.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
