you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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