Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
