He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
