why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
