she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
