I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
