but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
