Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
