This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
