There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
