3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
