What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
